The Chinese Wife

Outline of topics:

  • In case of her death YC wanted her sister (YG) and her husband (TG) to adopt and raise G as their son. She requested that I sign a legal document to be included in her Will proving my agreement to this. I  refused! She stated that her sister and brother-in-law would do a better job raising G in the “Chinese Way”, implying that my disagreement with the “Chinese Way” of raising children was not necessarily the best way. (In short, the “Chinese Way” consisted of emotionally and psychologically humiliating and punishing the child if he does not get perfect grades and reports from his school teachers. After I refused to do this for one less-than-perfect grade in one of his classes, she stopped the school from sending his reports to me.) The time period was when I was living in Texas.
  • YC greatly limited my son’s visits with me and some years did not allow him to visit me at all. This was technically a violation of my visitation rights, and significantly increased the emotional and psychological distance between me and my son.
  • YC was ashamed that her husband (GR) was divorced and had children. She insisted that I do not tell any people where she worked or went to school in Seattle. One evening at a party at her boss’s home, I accidentally mentioned to her boss that I have a son. In the car on the way home she flew into a rage of criticism. That was the last gathering that I was invited to.
  • YC had G circumcised covertly, against my (GR) clear refusal to grant my permission.  This behavior showed her dishonestly and disrespect for my wishes.
  • YC made her decision about where to do her medical residency without telling me (GR) anything about it until she had accepted a position in Boston, Massachusetts. She also had an offer to do her residency in Seattle, Washington. I requested that she do it in Seattle. She declined my input without any discussion. She just made airplane reservations for herself, G and his nanny and left me alone in Seattle. Bye, Bye. G was about two years old. This behavior showed her disregard for my wishes and disregard for keeping a father for G. Without even a discussion she expected me to leave my children, grandchildren, mother, friends, work place and the best place to live in the USA.
  • YC chose to not return to the Seattle area after she finished her residency. She chose a job in New York. There were jobs available in the Seattle area. This behavior showed her disregard for G having a father available on a regular and consistent basis. Normally the divorce court will require that the father grant permission before the mother moves out of the state where the father resides because it will make it difficult for the father to maintain regular visitation contact with the child. This did not seem to concern the mother of my son.
  • YC chose not to provide an alternate father-figure influence for G for the more than 20 years after she took him away from me. She remained the sole source of his emotional, psychological and physical needs with no balancing influence from anyone.
  • While I was living in Texas I requested YC to let G spend the summer with me. She refused, and instead she sent him to spend time with her sister (YG) and brother-in-law (TG) in Austin, Texas. I suggest that this was to prepare for her request that her sister and brother-in-law agree to adopt G in the case of her death.
  • YC was ashamed that her husband (GR) was only a computer programmer/systems analyst, while she was working towards becoming one of the gods of the medical world.
  • Her objective was to become a Medical Doctor.
  • Her sister (YG) told me personally that YC did not love me before we got married, but I didn’t believe it or believed that later she would love me after she knows me better.  Later analysis by a psychologist indicated that she could not make an emotional connection with anyone, and that is why I always felt alone even in the same room with her. He said that she interacts with people as if there is a plexiglass shield around her insulating her from all emotion.
  • This plexiglass shield around her insulating her from all emotion very likely allowed her to be unaffected by the many ill and dying people around her and her more emotional colleagues, but she made a small hole in her shield so that she could made a connection with her son, G. Only he can have an emotional effect on her.
  • 2002 June-July YC allowed G to visit his father in Dallas, TX for 9 days, and his aunt in Austin, TX 28 days.
  • YC signed a document saying that if she left me that she would leave our child with me. She failed to do that after she left. I had a strong suspicion that she would leave after she had my child and graduated from medical school. Therefore, I requested that she sign this document before she got pregnant.
  • The Chinese have a tradition of demanding the oldest son to take care of them when they become old and retire. Therefore, it is the self-interest of the parent(s) to push the child to get a high-paying, stable job in order to best take care of them. They use emotional blackmail such as “I paid so much for your education that you owe it to me to take care of me later”. This is plain premeditated, self-interested coercion on the child to do what the parents’ want — not allowing the child to pursue what interests him.
  • She refused to give me his phone number when I asked in June 2012.
  • I feel very sad about the psychological, emotional and physical damage that has happened to G because there was no one there to protect  and help him.
  • The mother has a powerful influence over the child, especially when the father is not there. This created a survival-personality and the profound sense of being alone and helpless.
  • Ten Years of Loneliness was Enough

 

 

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