Ten years of loneliness during the first ten years of marriage to my Chinese wife was enough.
I did not want another twenty years of loneliness, which I would have had if I had moved to the east coast with her.
She told me that she would buy things for me, as a kind of reward, a payment for my loneliness, but THINGS cannot eliminate the loneliness. I wanted a partner who appreciated me. She only wanted someone who made her look good, like a status symbol, and someone to help her to take care of practical things.
My son had to endure the loneliness even longer. She told him that she was spending all that time away from him to help him get into the best possible school, meaning the most expensive school. But this was to create bragging rights for herself and to create more and more publications with her name on them to get recognition for herself.
She repeatedly hinted that her sister was interested to have me as her partner. After she became pregnant the hints stopped. This gave me the impression that I was just a helper — someone to help her achieve her goals.